Strength

I had a disagreement with God on the most holiest of days. It began with a question, a most familiar one, “Why is this night different from all other nights?”. Traditionally asked on Passover by the youngest child at the seder, but this particular night concernedYom Kippur, which is not a holiday of celebration. Instead of feasting, from sunset to sunset we fast. As a form of suffering, we go without food from sundown to sundown. Instead of rejoicing, we solemnly ask the divine to forgive our transgressions no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

Frankly,Yom Kipper is like my ordinary days. On a daily basis, I confront my faults, berate, and condemn myself over minor wrongdoings; too harsh a tone or a sharp word when talking to someone, or look away when I walk by a homeless person, although I gave money to the guy I just passed ten minutes ago. These are slight compared to the well known sins of the Ten Commandments. Nevertheless, on Yom Kippur I am required to take a day off from work or doing errands in order to starve myself, pray, and ask God for forgiveness. Perhaps, the Israelites who wondered the Sinai desert all those centuries ago were much more self consumed, had a tendency to worship idols, and needed to set aside a day to confess, fast, pray to God, and self reflect. Other than the fasting for 24-hours and the idols those practices make up my day-to-day, and has for decades.

The need for a separate, monumental high holiday to admit one’s wrongdoings seems unnecessary in these times. I questioned the reason to continue the customary rituals and suggested this holy of holiest days be reformed. Let's be happy. Of course, prior to this “ask” I said the blessing and lit the candle on the Yom Kippur Eve. I recited the Yarhtzeit prayer and lit two 24-hour candles in honor of my parents who passed away decades ago. I watched a video of Johnny Mathis singing the Kol Nidre prayer. I planned to fast until sundown the following day but only lasted until 2pm the next afternoon. Childhood memories of feeling nauseous consumed me until they became real and the memory faded. Then I ate. Before I succumbed to food, I mustard the courage to speak out to God.

In spite of my boldness, God did not "smote me down" right then and there as stated in the Bible. “But if you do not obey the Lord and you flout the Lord’s command, the hand of the Lord will strike you. . .”(1 Samuel 12:15) I am reminded of the tarot card, Strength, as I stood up to God and am still standing. Usually depicted by a nicely dressed woman in a rather quaint garden or county setting, she uses her bare hands to open the jaws of a lion relaxing beside her. This card represents indomitable strength stemming from an inner conviction, and compassion coupled with fortitude which ultimately leads to triumph. A traditional tarot deck is numbered from 0-21. The Strength card is usually numbered 9 or or IX in the Suit of Trumps. However, I prefer the tarot’s association to the Hebrew alphabet which goes from 1-22. Here the 10th letter is Yod, the smallest of letters and symbolic for the hand of God guiding us. "The Yod represents the Creator, the single point from which all of creation emerges, and the Unity within multiplicity. It is the foundation of all foundations, the hidden Divine spark which causes everything to be. It represents the power of the spirit to govern and guide the matter. Yod is a symbol of the Holy One, the Creator, since the holy name starts with Yod. Small in form, the meaning of the Yod is great. According to kabbalistic tradition, all of creation came forth from a single point – a point which represents God’s infinite presence inside of the finite world." - Gabriele Levy lectures around the world about the "secrets of the Hebrew alphabet"

In the midst of deep Kabbalistic studies, I was surprised to find I was not struck down since my question and then eating might be perceived as insolence, although not intended as such. However, instead of death more serendipity, or delightful coincidences, came into my life in the weeks that followed. Here are a few examples of the simple ones. They might be familiar experiences for you too:1) I had lunch with a friend who is a Kundalini and Kabbalistic healer when she mentioned the “King Messiah”. What seemed miraculous is the next morning, "King Messiah" showed up in the next bible portion I was reading, 1 Samuel 2:10; 2) This also happened the following day after I spoke with another person who is knowledgeable in how the body works and the subject of hemorrhoids, of all things, came up. Once again, “hemorrhoids” showed up in the Bible portion I was reading the following morning, 1 Samuel 6: 5; and 3) My final example was when a friend appeared at my door after I thought strongly about him the night before. I hadn’t seen him in over 5-years since he had moved away.

Oh, I've studied Torah, God, and other gods as comparative analysis in some form or fashion since I was a kid. But it never was my plan to become a religious writer. It just turned out that way when I was violently attack, left for dead, and came back to life with six divine directives to fulfill. After I completed my assignments, I wrote about my experiences and published my memoir, My Random Death. Now after I questioned God on Yom Kippur my sense of self lifted. The feeling was similar to when I was "twice-born", as Joan Wulfsohn calls it. She is the author of Stalking Carlos Castaneda, her fascinating memoir about her experiences with the famous American anthropologist and writer. Now, I no longer dwell so strongly on my faults and failures. I notice them but am better at not reliving them over and over again in my head. We over-think things and replay bad scenarios about ourselves way too often in our society. Now I am extremely aware of the importance of a balanced, wholesome mindset, rather then the violence of a self-destructive inner critic. The calm, quaint countryside or garden setting of the Strength tarot card indicates this peaceful, hopeful, and full of faith mindset. It is something I work towards everyday.

Street Tarot

The Watcher Listens.

Let's focus on the Watcher of Life. This aspect of ourselves does not look inward, although that is just as important, but rather observes the goings on around us. Most importantly, it involves the ability to listen. The primary prayer in Judaism, the Shema, addresses one’s faith and love of God and begins with the call for the community of Israel to listen to God. “Shema Israel" or "Hear O Israel.” In his article for Jewish Magazine, author Dan Brooks reminds us of this important detail when he states, “Jewish mysticism, or Kabbalah, teaches us that not only are we shomrei adamah for tikkun olam, partners in the creation, healing, and transforming of the world, but that we continually re-create the world and can continually receive its wonders, wildness, and wisdom each moment. We can read and study the Written Law (Torah) and the Oral Law (Talmud), but we have to receive and listen to the Silent Law (kabbalah). If we are receptive to it, the Silent Torah teaches that a way of wisdom is listening to ourselves as well as others and that wisdom is a way to peace. The opposite of listening, Rabbi Arthur Waskow teaches, is arrogance.”

An arrogant person is one who is consumed with their self-importance and pompous around people they deem inferior and least likely to listen to. A biblical example of haughtiness provides “a pretext for sinners who think the blessed Holy One does not know their thoughts and fantasies. So their stupidity must be exposed.” - Zohar 1:10a. The divine directive to bring to light the irrational conduct and conceit of others, especially our leaders is mandated for all of us. When you recognize the distinction and understand the consequences, it is imperative to expose those decision-makers whose arrogant ways and bad judgments will harm far too many people. The time is Now.

However, we must right ourselves first. An engaged observer is one who listens and learns. Criticism coming from others is helpful if the emphasis is to constructively correct something that’s amiss and not to put someone down in order to feel good. That is a sickness. Listen and watch. Don’t get gaslighted or continually lied to by other people. Believe what's happening before your very eyes, and what you hear, not what powerful people want you to see and understand. Authoritarians get a foothold into your life and dictate your lifestyle when you do not trust yourself.

Of course, it is necessary to change if you’re “dead in the head” from a distorted point of view. Stubbornness is obviously a barrier to growth, while a sudden paradigmatic shift may begin the initial practice of the Spiritual Initiate, or Wisdom Seekers. There are many different paths ways to sagacity and there is always something new to learn, to read, to study along the way. It never seems to end. You want to be a person of action to get to where you need to go, to be a Somebody, but first you might have to be a Nobody to make sure your bearings are just right. To that end, it is imperative to take a few minutes off in your day-to-day doings and focus on what’s around you. Remember, to listen is a verb.

I am reminded of the tarot card, The Hanged Man, which is not about a crucifixion or a suicide. It is usually depicted by a fully dressed man hung from a tree upside-down by one leg. The other is crossed over it to make the shape of the number 4, which is symbolic for logic and the rational mind. Despite a particularly torturous position, the man appears relaxed. Certainly, he represents a master of self-deception, or, at best a spiritual initiate about to transform. Traditionally numbered 12 in the Suit of Trump, this card explicitly addresses the need to get a new perspective on life by breaking old patterns. Frankly, it demands a deeper, more meaningful way to look at and be in the world. The man’s head is pointed towards the earth, and Hell if you go further down. When this card is pulled in a reading its symbolism suggests a clueless, materialistic person or, at worse, a smart person who obtains things through thievery and fraud. This card demands the individual move away from the superficial, self indulgent or even criminal conduct, and set themselves right-side up. Now called to a higher purpose it is necessary they become more socially and spiritually productive, symbolized by the upright position where the crown of the head is directed towards the sky and heaven, the precise position for homo erectus and those physically capable.

In a traditional deck the Trumps are numbered 0-21, however I prefer the tarot’s association to the Hebrew alphabet that goes from 1-22. The 13th letter is Mem, which symbolizes water and the subconscious mind. The primordial state of Creation was “water intermingled with water”. See Tanhuma, Vayaqhel 6, an ancient midrash or commentary on the Torah. On the second day of creation these waters where separated and a distinction was created between the upper and lower. A distinction can give us perspective but it can also bring about divergences. Due to the potential for harmful conflict, and even evil when differences are taken to the extreme, on this 2nd day of creation the Torah does not say it was good. However, the phrase was stated twice on the third day when the dry land appeared to mediate the potential for dangerous disputes.

As you listen and watch the brilliance and also the stupidity of humanity it’s easy to get personal directions all mixed up. I've been there; situationally upside down, and feeling low, indeed. When one's self confidence is gone, it is hard to think rationally since anxiety is such a distortion-maker. The quest is for new patterns of behavior, and a new paradigm. Each person takes a different road on the journey of self discovery. Some people use affirmation, some get a hobby, some know how to put themselves in the way of luck or make their own, others pray and a few go shopping or change their hair color to hopefully transform their lives. How we see and hear the world translates into how we treat others, ourselves, and the earth. It may be a personal struggle as the road is not always paved and can get bumpy.

As Rudyard Kipling said, “Nothing is ever settled until it is settled right.”

Street Tarot

Renewal

Life changing transformations happen. A long-standing job is terminated. A snap judgment is made to follow an inner calling. Transition can occur side ways due to sudden family problems or a shift in focus when an otherwise minor aspect becomes paramount. To navigate through a maze of changes can be demanding, particularly when a career ends and you need to start over from scratch. It takes a tremendous amount of willpower to not feel overwhelmed and get defeated. I am empathetic to those in this situation. I’ve been there many times and have pushed through. “Street Tarot” is a term I coined that refers to a frame of mind to view the world and glean deeper insights from your experiences. Awareness in the everyday waking state can expand if you take heed of meaningful coincidences, the symbols of our collective unconsciousness, and your individual psyche.

Armed with this inventory of traditional symbolic attributions and personal signs and wonders, you can better assess matters and make plans to shape your unique future. Of course, in times of change you may feel stuck and do not know what the next step is. The human instinct is to resist change. It can feel like free falling, with no solid footing to build upon. Hope may turn to despair which can drive you to adopt unconscious strategies, such as self-sabotage, which lowers your self-esteem and makes change a painful experience. A method to this dilemma is to pay attention to the coincidences, and the unexpected. Street Tarot is a mental tool to sharpen your awareness. Its utility relies on your curiosity, willingness to do research, and to pay attention to your dreams and synchronistic occurrences, or those seemingly improbable but highly meaningful coincidences. Also, contemplate symbols which resonate with you. Do not feel threatened by the non-ordinary instead learn from it. Be willing to look deeper into your affinity to fictional or mythic characters. Notice when you well-up with a positive emotion. Permit these types of phenomenon and sensations to come to the forefront and then act on your insights and intuitions about them.

It is meaning to our lives that we look for and strive to give purpose to the circumstances we find ourselves in from moment to moment. I followed my inner voice of wisdom and symbolic trails to become a hand bookbinder and then mastered six divine directives; one of which was to become a lawyer. I fashioned my career as a federal criminal appeals attorney after Sherlock Holmes. If you do not already know, he is the world's first consulting detective and a fiction. Meanwhile, that legal practice of mine laster almost 14-years. So, whether you’re concerned about the next 5-minutes or have a long term plan, it is paramount to put your new found knowledge into operation. Talk to people and share with them your multi-faceted realms of experience. With details from your archetypical makeup, your dreamscapes, personal heroes, and symbols, you are more able to evaluate and discern the next step to create an authentic career and lifestyle for yourself. To enhance personal growth trust your intuitive powers and be open to receive from unexpected sources. The journey is a slow one, however it can be productive. Most importantly, in your discernments be ruthlessly honest with yourself. More examples of Street Tarot are found in my memoir, My Random Death. A link to the book’s website is on this site’s Home page.

I am reminded of the 20th tarot card in the suit of Trumps traditionally know as Judgment. It is often depicted as a resurrection where an angelic figure blows a horn to awaken the dead. Symbolically this card represents renewal, rebirth, an inner calling, as well as self-doubt, inner critic, or to ignore that special call. The Trumps in a tarot deck are numbered from 0-21, however I prefer their association to the Hebrew alphabet which goes from 1-22. Here, the Judgment card aligns with the 21st letter, Shin. Her symbolic meaning is teeth as in “to have bite” or strength, or lack thereof. A current example of this idiom is obvious in the character of convicted criminal, Donald Trump. Recently we’ve witness his penchant for lawlessness when he defied Supreme Court rulings regarding his illegal deportations. He gambles on the courts having “no teeth” to send the US Marshalls to arrest him and hold him in contempt. In addition, he can absorb monetary fines, as we’ve seen in E. Jean Carroll's New York State defamation cases.

Of relevance to this blog is the notion that teeth also act as a barrier between our inner and outer worlds, Ie. our ethical and moral compasses, and intuitive capacity to guide what you may say and might do. Furthermore, the letter Shin signifies change. In the mundane toothy sense to chew and grind down solid food in the mouth enables the body to convert it into energy for your survival. Similarly, the inner strength to overcome a sudden change can transform your distinct nature and sense of self. Metaphorically, when the death of a career is certain, or the road you travel abruptly comes to a dead end, you’ll need the courage to begin anew. Oh, you can stay in self-pity mode for awhile, but you’re expected to change and move forward, ready to take on the world to achieve your recently discovered ambition. Things may appear daunting and emotionally perilous. Life flows and it can also get brutal. Persevere, stay open, and be observant. Trust your intuition to get you to where you need to go, even if it will happen eventually and is not just around the corner.

Street Tarot