More Joy

“Seeing, Hearing, Smelling, Talking, Eating, Sex, Action or Work, Movement, Sleep, Excitement or Anger, Play or Laughter, and Contemplation or Thought,” are the twelve foundational elements of the human experience mentioned in the ancient Kabbalistic text, The Sefer Yetzirah or The Book of Creation. The English translation of biblical Hebrew might be somewhat different depending on the interpreter, therefore, I have included more than one rendition for some words. Anyway, it is quite a list! Did you notice sadness is not on it? The absence of laughter does not necessarily imply someone is unhappy or they lack love in their life if angry. Feeling sad can start as a construct of the mind and then your contemplations or ruminations worm their way into your heart. We feel black and blue, bruised on the inside. This is why control of your thoughts, what you tend to focus on and say to yourself, is imperative to your emotional wellbeing.

When you allow yourself to replay the past, a perceived hurt over and over again, coupled with the mind’s ability to envision details onto an internal mental landscape, it contributes to profound emotional instability and can be debilitating. I’ve been there. For months, I’ve festered over something a family member or friend did, or didn’t do, or say. Thankfully, now I am more or less on the sunny side of the road, laughing at my stupid waste of time. For sure, life is difficult. Breakups happen, loss, trauma, and tragedy can be expected. How we handle these terrible circumstances is up to each of us.

Generally speaking, control your mind and diminish the amount of sadness you’ll endure. Of course it might be more difficult these days. The world appears to be on the edge of a major war that no one can properly explain. The news reports are horrible, we can feel it in our pocketbooks, and many also in our hearts. The dire situation contributes to a state of malaise, which seems like a constant. Nevertheless, we have to counter it. Let’s try to replace this collective despair and declare now is the time for joy. More joy for everyone, even for our so-called enemies. The clear implication is it’s time for peace. A grand peace and not a shaky ceasefire. And we need lots of free stuff too; more swag, gallons of gasoline, grocery giveaways, and party prizes for all. Call it wanting to get lucky, or my over active imagination because present day circumstances do seem bleak.

Primarily our current state of affairs is due to Trump deceiving Americans into a war of losses in the Middle East, while his masked thugs arrest and traumatize everyone except the violent criminals illegally in the United States, as he promised. Famous author and former French politician, Victor Hugo wrote, "Love is like a tree: it grows by itself, roots itself deeply in our being and continues to flourish over a heart in ruin." Trump is incapable of sprouting love. He appeals to the bullies and psychopaths who can't hold down regular jobs, and to those who have a high tolerance for mean people. Too many “deplorables” voted for him, and now these bad guys are employed and were handed permission slips like lollypops by a dubious man who thinks he's above the law and uses his pardon powers like a mafia boss granting favors with strings attached. Without clear answers as to “why and for how long” his masked paramilitary, under the auspices of ICE, terrorize folks in America, while his Iran War of Choice kills and injures US troops abroad, as well as hundreds of civilians. The so-called President of the United States has put our wellbeing and national security at risk.

Yes, it is sad times. However some hope is brewing within the hard-right, manosphere crowd. "Sadly, the Trump we all knew and loved no longer exists”, said the infamous, InfoWars podcaster, prior Trump fan-boy, and fellow defamation-ist, Alex Jones. In a March 31st Instagram post of his podcast, he continued

his message that it’s time to move on "now that it's extremely clear that President Trump has a serious cognitive problem or has been seriously compromised". Probably both are good reasons to dump Trump. Even his former fan-girls are speaking out against him ie Ann Coulter and Marjorie Taylor Green. Let’s be smart. Vote for more joy. Neuter his effectiveness, and then demand he and his crowd of criminals are held accountable in a court of law. Let's make sure our collective sadness doesn't become despair over the loss of our democracy.

I am reminded of the tarot card, Three in the Suit of Swords. It is one of the four suits in the lower arcana. Swords traditionally represent the realm of air, ideas, the intellect, and the mind that gives voice to the petty, inner critic and the whisper of the internal sage. To help us understand and make our way in life each of us must learn to disregard those unhelpful, unfavorable, self-induced “opinions” and nourish more positive ones. I know it’s hard to do and easier to write about. In Alister Crowely's Thoth tarot deck the three of swords is titled, Sorrow. The artwork for the deck was painted by Lady Frieda Harris, who depicted it as three swords penetrate a lotus blossom to its core, as it’s riped apart. The symbolism specifically teaches the need for mental realizations about suffering.

What mostly pierces the heart is when we constantly berate ourselves over minor missteps with the same fervor as failed major endeavors, or whatever it is that brought you to anguish. The worst thing you can do is to rework hurtful past scenarios in your mind and then act out in retribution or self-loathing behavior. Instead, the heart and mind must be properly linked to create more joy in your life, more peace in the world, and to do so quickly. Repeating affirmations and prayers said with intention and comes from the depths of you are useful tools to transform consciousness and one’s ways. While writing this article, I came upon an anonymous saying which is also instructive:

“The biggest skill you can develop is the ability to reset fast. Bad conversation? Move on. Bad day? Start fresh tomorrow. Missed workout? Hit it the next day. Poor decision? Learn and adjust? You can't control what happens to you, but you control how long you let it affect you.”

Epstein’s Hyoid Bone, and Mine.

This past January, Attorney General Pam Bondi released more of the Department of Justice's Epstein files. The New York's Chief Medical Examiners’s report which found he died by suicidal hanging using a bed sheet caught my attention. Previously, the public was made aware of the determined cause of his death but the autopsy report was detailed in a February article by the BBC. The materials contained photos of Epstein immediately after his body was found and placed on a stretcher that showed ligature marks around his neck. In addition, an internal prison interview with Epstein claims he would never kill himself and wanted to fight the charges, which conflicts with the findings of suicide. Furthermore, evidence obtained from prior to his death confirms records were falsified, he was not properly monitored by cameras or guards, one of whom made suspicious bank deposits prior to his death, a video previously cut from DoJ disclosures that shows an unidentified figure near his cell, and the crime scene was tainted ie no fingerprints taken. As a federal criminal appeals attorney, with 14-years of experience challenging the reliability and sufficiency of evidence to sustain a conviction, I cannot rely on the conclusion of this official autopsy. Questions and doubts still linger.

For sure, reading about a wealthy predator brought back memories of my own death by strangulation. Yes, I let go into death. In Epstein's case, he died in his jail cell while in federal detention and most importantly his watch that violated standard protocols. Meanwhile, I was left for dead in the woods on the idyllic island of Martha’s Vineyard after a perfect stranger attacked me and left me there to rot. I wrote about the premonitions and this transformational event in my award-winning memoir, My Random Death, which I also published.

The hyoid bone was broken in my encounter with an evil man, similar to what happened to Epstein. The principle "function of this bone is to serve as an anchoring structure for the tongue. It has no articulation with other bones,” states Encyclopedia Brittanica. A unique aspect of the hyoid is that it can heal itself. Rather, we can heal ourselves, which eventually happened to me after spending time in intensive care and then in recovery for a number of weeks. Experts say a fracture of this rather structurally weak part of our framework is strong evidence of a homicide. However, it can also indicate a suicide. And therein lies the problem. The post-mortem report raised some controversy over whether or not foul play brought about Jeffery Epstein's demise. His brother hired renowned forensic pathologist, Dr. Michael Baden who disagreed the death was by suicidal hanging. The alternative conclusion is Epstein was murdered. In addition, there were thyroid cartilage fractures on both side of his neck, however not in mine, which is more bird-like, can easily bruise, and easy to snap. In my case, as in his, there was other physical clues that a homicide had occurred. Although a suicide by hanging can result in hemorrhaging in the eyes, it is also good evidence to suggest a violent, deadly crime had taken place. While being strangled the blockage forces the red blood cells into the whites of the eyes. An autopsy on Jeffery Epstein noted these spots. In my case, the red blood in my eye lingered for a few months after being attacked, when I let go into death, and then returned to life.

The well respected expert and author in the field of forensic pathology, Dr. Peter Cummings also questioned the official conclusion in his February article for the Connecticut Examiner were he writes, “For decades, forensic literature has demonstrated that fractures of these structures occur in only a minority of suicidal hangings. Large autopsy series and standard forensic texts report thyroid cartilage fractures in roughly 5 to 15 percent of hanging deaths. Hyoid fractures occur at similar or lower rates. Bilateral thyroid fractures, damage occurring symmetrically on both sides, are even less commonly reported. According to the published literature, the combined presence of bilateral thyroid fractures and a hyoid fracture, as documented in Epstein’s autopsy, represents a pattern rarely observed in suicidal hangings. The point is not that such fractures never occur in suicide. The point is that when multiple rigid structures are fractured, with hemorrhage proving the injuries occurred during life,  the mechanism deserves serious scrutiny.”

I am reminded of the tarot card, The Tower, or the 16th of Trumps. This suit, also known as the higher arcana, is composed of 22 cards and provides an archetypical, phenomenological map to mirror ourselves and our experiences in the world. Studying and working with the tarot develops an intuitive way for understanding our lives. The Tower represents unexpected change, danger or destruction, and a subsequent liberation that transforms one’s life and rebirths a new point of view. In its foreground, the card is traditionally depicted as a tall tower struck by a lightning bolt. Dark smoke billows, while a raging fire threatens folks inside while some jump from balustrades to their deaths. Terror reigns. Contrarily, a sun shines in a distant sky as a peaceful dove flies across the expanse.

This symbolism of a shattered structure can refer to an actual tragedy, or a forced move from a home, store, or office building. There is psychological aspects to this card where one suddenly must abandon entrenched paradigms and beliefs for something new. A calamity can set you free from a stale status quo or prison-like conditions, and usher in new cognitive formulations and  physical formations if you are ready to move forward…into the sunlight. The Tower expresses profound, cataclysmic change. The card indicates innocence lost, never to be regained. Attorney General Pam Bondi states if the DoJ releases all of the Epstein files it will bring the whole system down, similar to the teaching of the Tower tarot card. Nevertheless, we must allow the Rule of Law to guide us. To do nothing is to choose fear and to live in an increasingly dangerous and lawless country.

The suit of Trumps is usually numbered from 0-21, however, I prefer the cards’ association to the Hebrew alphabet which goes from 1-22. The 17th letter is Peh - which means the mouth, speech, or for our purposes, it can imply a strangulation to deliberately try to shut someone up. On July 6, 2019 Epstein was indicated, arrested, and then federally detained for conspiracy and trafficking in minors. He was the only named defendant. To support a conspiracy count, the US Attorney Office for the Southern District of New York claimed, "EPSTEIN worked with others, including employees and associates who facilitated his conduct by, among other things, contacting victims and scheduling their sexual encounters with EPSTEIN at the New York Residence and at the Palm Beach Residence." No other person was identified in this filing. Once he was jailed it is likely defendant Epstein could choose to “spill the beans” or start talking, and become a witness for the prosecution. In exchange for his cooperation the prosecutors would recommend a lighter sentence. This agreement usually requires an admission of guilt to the crimes charged, identify his co-conspirators, and most importantly testify at their trials. For many this enticement is huge. If he does not cooperate, the prosecutors may file a superseding indictment to add more defendants already known, and might include additional charges against Epstein stemming from the same vile, criminal conduct that landed him in jail in the first place. However, by August 10, 2019, all deals were off the table because he was found dead in his jail cell.

We all have to grow up, face hardships and some not of our making. So how does one best adapt to profound change without becoming suicidal or homicidal? By being bold, experimental, and open to newness. The Torah states when the Hebrews left Egypt and their bondage into slavery, they did so boldly, being given what ever they asked for from the Egyptians. (Exodus 13:36) This attitude of confidence beckons our society to take up the challenges of accountability. I believe a further, more thorough, by-the-books investigation surrounding Jeffery Epstein's death is warranted. Too many things do not add up and disputed facts remain. Even the controversial congresswoman, Republican Representative Nancy Mace recently claimed it’s likely Epstein was murdered, and more investigation into the matter is necessary.

Terror of a Tyrant

As a former federal criminal appeals attorney and a female, I recently contemplated over the symbol representing many legal systems. The statue of a woman, blindfolded or not, holds the scales of justice in one hand and a sword in the other. She epitomizes the tenets of fairness, impartiality, and the weight of reliable evidence to punish someone for a crime or find them liable for a civil violation. From the femininity of the figure we can infer mercy and understanding coupled with the severity of justifiable punishments as the hallmark of good governance.

Certainly, the antithesis of this has occurred amid the immigration crackdown in Minneapolis and many other cities in the United States. Through the media and videos streamed on-line by observers we witnessed the lawlessness of masked thugs masquerading under the guise of the Department of Homeland Security. Its current secretary, Kristy Noem has turned ICE and Border Patrol agents into modern day marauders. They roam the streets, terrorize neighborhoods, and even commit murder as they step on people’s civil rights to peacefully protest or observe law enforcement activity. It’s difficult to watch the brutality and then listen to the after-action gaslighting by Trump and his crowd of deceivers.

Admittedly the symbolism in Lady Justice is confusing. Having law degrees in both countries, I am well aware of how we’ve incorporated the Roman model and the Latin language into American and Canadian jurisprudence. This is demonstrated in our penchant for legal codes, and the use of ancient terms such as lis pendens or "suit pending" and a writ of habeas corpus or “you shall have the body [in court] to lawfully detain the person or release them", which accounts for many of the legal challenges against the Trump regime. We drew upon Roman mythology to create our emblematic image. The Romans initially pirated their goddess of justice and law from the Greeks. She appeared on our shores in the early 1700's and was first put on the New York State coat of arms in 1778. However, mainstream religions in North America are not based on a plurality of god and goddesses. Rather, a standard declaration is the United States was founded on Judeo-Christian values, and both hold monotheistic beliefs. Our adoption of this Greek/Roman goddess seems at odds with the faith in one God.

Furthermore, Women’s History month is coming up, so here we go. . . Females were unable to practice law in American until 1869. In Canada and in the entire British Empire it wasn't until 1897. However, their admission to the legal bar was not widely accepted until the 1970’s and did not directly change the status of women. Finally, in 1920 they were able to vote in the US. Only some women in Canada could do so in 1917, and by 1960 the right was expanded to include indigenous women and others in previously prohibited categories. Even in the mid 1970’s most women required a man to co-sign for a bank loan, which is reminiscent of biblical times when it was essential for females to have their fathers or husbands present to make a binding vow or pledge to God. (Numbers 30:2-3) Finally, it wasn’t until 1981 that Justice Sandra Day O’Conner became the first woman appointed to the United States Supreme Court. I had the opportunity to appear before her and the great Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg when I was counsel of record in United States vs Carlos Dominguez Benitez, (2004).

I am reminded of the tarot card, Justice. It represents balanced decisions, fairness, and usually pending legal matters. Traditionally it is also depicted by a woman who wears a crown and is seated on a throne amidst two pillars. She holds the scales of justice in one hand and a sword in the other. Generally, it is the11th or XI card in the Suit of Trumps which is numbered from 0-21. However, I prefer the cards association to the Hebrew alphabet which goes from 1-22. Lamed is the 12th letter and is symbolized by an ox goad or prod, whose meaning is to learn and to teach. It suggests a supernatural staff to guide one to divine knowledge and then to aid others on the path. This guiding factor is also demonstrated in the shape of the letter. It is the tallest in the Hebrew alphabet and extends beyond the other letters towards the heavens.

We must demand our legal system aspires to the same lofty principles of good practices and to uphold the rule of law. Alas, its been downgraded by the conduct of the Trump regime whose policy is to ignore the law and court orders to reign in his abuses and corruption. The average Joe and Joanne have lost faith that arrests and prosecutions will proceed fairly without fear or favor. We've all witnessed how the Department of Justice under Attorney General Pam Bondi has up-ended its remit. For example; the DOJ now appears to protect the perpetrator of sexual crimes against young girls, and subject his and Epstein’s survivors, who are now women, to lies and more terror from the extremist MAGA faithful.

These times of un-constitutional leadership from a tyrant and Russian asset in the White House calls for a more appropriate rendering of Lady Justice. What does this myth of a legal goddess have to do with actual Americans, anyway? It would be fitting if she lost the scales and covered her face in disbelief and shame. Hopefully, she'll still hold the sword because the fight for equal justice under the law is not over. The Statute of Liberty needs a remodel as well. She now weeps for the beleaguered immigrates drawn to America by the light of her torch, which has since gone dark, as has the promise of freedom from oppression.

The supreme law of the land is the US Constitution. It sets forth the rights and protections for citizens and non-citizens alike when it comes to lawful searches and seizures, due process , fair trials, and to be free from arbitrary discrimination under the 4th, 5th, and 14th Amendments. In addition, an illegal immigrant has the right of free speech under the 1st Amendment, although it must be balanced against actual national security interests. To maintain power and show his might, Trump has put our legal system on a backwards trajectory. Perhaps his strategy and tactics work in Russia, or when Americans owned slaves, where only white men who owned land could vote and thus rule, and when women were considered chattel, in other words a man's personal property. He has violated the oath taken to become the 45th President and the 47th. He should be in jail but/for the protection of the cowards and carpetbagger Republicans in Congress, and the self-deceptive people who voted for him.

U.S. Constitution, Article 2. Section 1, Clause 8: Presidential Oath of Office.

"Before he enter on the Execution of his Office, he shall take the following Oath or Affirmation:– I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."